| 171 for now, moved |
[17 May 2006|06:46pm] |
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Dear friends,
This is the easiest thing I have ever done.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Thank you for the time, the laughter and the love
For now I am taking a break from vinylroses
In search of the one thing I have always wanted most
I like updating this journal but sometimes it gets difficult, sometimes it gets pointless.
I may return
Or you may find me someplace else
For now, bye and lots of love :)
Camilla
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| 170 the nape of your neck |
[16 May 2006|05:54pm] |
Today stunk, for the most part. It is awful to be falling asleep and cramping up badly simultaneously, plus bigger news is that I declare today, 16 May 2006, the day I was returned the worst Lit test I have ever done in my entire life. Honest to goodness, no kidding, for real. Even Mrs Lim asked what happened and I was so disgusted with the grade (although I must say I absolutely deserved it) I tried to put it away and not look at it. But you know, I totally remember what Darrell told me after the EOYs last year, so I'm okay with it. I definitely do not think this one grade has the right to determine my enthusiasm toward the subject.
But things started picking up after Lit, ironically - had a nap after the lesson because I was feeling quite awful and also because I was so tired! (Here I admit this was because I stayed up to watch the Survivor season finale last night, quite the pathetic reason but hey - what to do, I watched the entire season, every single episode, even the one the night I got back from OBS, applaud me quick!) I'm sorry that I didn't hear you call me, Carine! And that I was strangely unusually quiet during Bio, was just kind of in Weird Mode (as I feel I have been somewhat stuck in all week thus far).
Lynette surprised me halfway through Bio with a heart she'd folded for me out of a page from the textbook (haha!), I doubt she's reading this now but although it was a little small gesture I felt so much better after that. And then and then something else happened and I dare say I take back every bit of pessimism there was in the previous three entries because hope! is! there!
Okiedokes I'm done here darlings!
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| 169 take to the sky |
[15 May 2006|07:40pm] |
I think all there is to say about my previous two entries has been said in entry 168. Maybe you want to keep that in mind, I'd say it holds a lot of truth for later days and actions I may plan to take. You don't want to know anything about the whole business, and I don't really feel like talking about it either except that 1) Thursday was just really bad for me 2) The weekend wasn't very good either, and 3) I just really really hope that _ will _ soon.
So today was a good day and I really felt so much better, I guess time really does heal wounds. Carine gave me a pretty rose today! She had a light pink one and a white one, I chose the white one and named her Daisy. My History exam is over, over, over, I was too tired to be frustrated (it was pretty tough, at least SBQ was in my opinion, and I hadn't enough time for it but hey I vaguely remember saying this about my last History test, and the previous, and the previous, and the previous!) but I'm just really glad that all the tests/exam for this term are over, whoopdeedoo.
3DG got into the Dramafest finals! We are too cool. Only Sec3 class and we had really good comment from Ms Sie although like she said we mustn't be complacent. Come support us! I'll post details in a later entry! And yes, dear friends, I will remember my one line.
Now comes the mad rush toward the I&E Bazaar at Open House on Saturday, final preparations for the UK trip (Please remember your passports tomorrow, group!!) and then we'll be off to the UK next Thursday. I don't want to turn fifteen but at least I'll be spending it in a place I bet I'll never forget, pretty funky if I may say so myself!
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| 168 because |
[13 May 2006|11:42am] |
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broken hearts were never easy to mend, i bet no one ever had to tell you.
"maybe i'm just feeling a little blue."
if ever i go on a long hiatus and leave only silence, seek and you may just find,
the people i cherish most i never leave behind.
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| 167 crash |
[11 May 2006|06:16pm] |
I just really hope that
Yeah.
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| 166 amber! |
[10 May 2006|06:21pm] |
Sorry for the MIA this entire week but my internet connection decided to be difficult and I couldn't really feed this journal with a proper entry. Thanks for keeping the comments coming in all the same!
Yesterday was Dramafest semi-finals, I think we did pretty alright, I felt like kicking myself for missing my one and only (relatively) significant line in the entire play because, for the first time ever, I actually got into character and read my book when we were out there giving it our best shot, but I'm really glad Yirui said it for me, pretty seamlessly too! I'm quite happy with our performance although there were better rehearsals, Ms Sie's reaction was very positive and I know that even if we don't make it into the finals it will still be fact that we did our best and we enjoyed ourselves although there was some frustrating/anxious moments when we really worried about the outcome of the play.
The school gave us a holiday, so I spent most of today alone (unless you count Rupert & Amber) and I enjoyed it quite a fair bit, kicking up dry leaves along the sidewalks and listening to good music. I haven't written a proper poem in the longest while but I like to think of this as a cycle of sorts, and I like the reassurance that if I stay patient the words will come on their own soon enough without any nudging or prodding from me.
In other updates say hello to Amber, say hello to all 92g of mobile phone love! Amber is my new Nokia 7360, I decided she was too pretty to not name. Amber, l'amour. I miss French.
I feel unprepared for the History exam on Monday but I am crossing my fingers and hoping all will be okay, that by a miracle of sorts I will be able to finish cramming things in by then. I am currently dead tired mentally and physically because of all the things that've hit me in the past week, I am glad some of it is over (e.g. Dramafest madness) but I know that some of it is just beginning (I&E preparation, History exam, etc) and I really was thankful for the long deep sleep I finally got to have last night.
Okiedokes I am off to dinner and then to my book. I don't feel like studying tonight!
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| 165 ionic ironic |
[04 May 2006|05:41pm] |
Good grief I need to get my act together and study! for the Chemistry test tomorrow, something I have been attempting to do all day long but which I have, in actual fact, done nuts about. I am trembling tremendous afraid for the test because Chemistry is my least! favourite! subject!, believe it or not, I like it less than AMath or EMath although I do so much better in Chem. To add on to the misery (forgive me as I wallow in this little bit of self-pity) I cannot stand these topics, metals and chemical bonding are not at all my forte, the least bit delectable or easy on the brain.
EMath today was a killer but I was silently celebrating after I finished the paper, one down one to go! said the little voice inside my head although I know I mucked the paper up, still I am counting down the tests till May 15, the day of The History Exam for which I haven't started studying (public announcement so please stop asking me if I have and making me panic), after which I will be absolutely free and academically-liberated!
Pardon me for the dreary school update, one last thing would be calculating the last of the CA1 grades today, I am not-too-happy with my grades because I keep feeling like I could've done better, but I think the one thing to remember would be that the grades do not matter in Sec3! Unless I am failing almost everything and in fear of being retained, like all the teachers enjoy saying (and scaring us with) our ultimate goal are the Big Os next year and how they will be Here Before We Know It, how scary a thought that is!
One more day and a Chemistry test away from my beloved weekend!
Alreetie baked zeetie, STUDY, CAMILLA!!!
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| 164 hair cut (II) |
[02 May 2006|06:16pm] |
After a day of 'You cut your hair?!'s even from people with whom I seldom converse, after a day of people doing double-takes and the good ol' reaction I keep getting over and over again, where people glance at me casually and then almost immediately jerk their heads back again to have a second look, after a day of reassuring pats on the back and 'It'll grow again..', after so many 'You look like a boy!!!'s and the occasional 'Ohmygosh so cuuute!' or 'I like your hair!', or the one 'It has a kind of soft look' (from Ms Wee, even the teachers noticed!?) I am pleased to say that I still quite like the way it is. And no, I don't miss my old hair, so I calmly retort the 'It'll grow again..'s with a 'What if I don't want it to?' and an earnest smile.
Funny how one haircut makes such a big difference, huh. :)
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| 163 hair cut |
[01 May 2006|11:18am] |
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Say hi to my new 'do! I really would've liked a bob better but I realise that requires very thick hair. (Not so) sadly I settled for the current, my sis calls it 'pixie hair' and I agree! I don't know if I'm absolutely enamoured but it is pretty lovely and I hope it will grow on me (not so much in the literal sense as in the figurative) and I will get accustomed to being without my purdy white hairband (because I don't think it goes with the hair now)! I'd say this was pretty experimental. Still unsure about the back and whether I like it or not but I like my new bangs although I reckon it would've been cooler straight across the front. Nevertheless, I like my bangs!
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| 162 within the spiffy explosion |
[30 Apr 2006|01:04pm] |
I think I deserve a standing ovation because I worked on my project (last mentioned in entry 157) for three hours from 11pm yesterday despite sleep blurring my eyes. I haven't had such tremendous self-discipline in ages!
Last night my sister and I attempted recording a few songs (on amateur equipment, mobile phones are handy as they are dandy but a pity too unprofessional), golly gosh it was good giggly fun, I hereby declare my harmonizing pretty darned delectable! We have big dreams, and a wide repertoire. One day we will write a musical! We already have the story plotted out. Who's up for a good show?
I'm just about dying for some tiramisu gelato from Venezia right now, plus a marvelous film or two. Oooh I also feel like getting a haircut and shedding some weight off my head.
Back to the big project I go!
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| 161 she loves music |
[29 Apr 2006|02:46pm] |
Choir concert last night! I went with Yunhui after band practice ended at 6. Fab stuff! I thought the choral segment was really good, Fields of Gold was my favourite although I did enjoy the Thai song quite a fair bit as well. The primary school choristers were woah, squeal-worthy. Small but oh-so-powerful! I found it hilarious that Yunhui kept commenting that they were so much better than her school choir. During the intermission Yunhui helped me rescue certain items and I, being the coward that I am, just ran after her giggling uncontrollably.
The musical was really good! Fantastic solos and an intriguing storyline. I actually felt fear during the murder bit, golly gosh I really am a coward aren't I! :) Amazingly the three hours just flew by, I enjoyed myself tremendously and I would've given them a standing ovation if I weren't up against the wall and if there'd been more friends in the audience.
Still, choir girls, thank you for the music! :) I ran backstage in a frantic attempt to catch them before they left, managed to stand and watch them walk out one by one, (like celebs to screaming fans at the airport, I thought), and give the strepsils to all my friends (I personalised the strepsils, pretty cool huh).
Then I got a ride home from Cammie's dad, thank you Cammie's dad! I can't imagine how I would've managed to get home with my bag and my file and all the things from school, and definitely not how I would've crawled up this morning in time for the UK Trip meeting.
All the best to the choir girls for tonight's show!
Last of all I'd like to say that friends are not supposed to do this to friends. Especially not friends who trust them with things they barely tell anyone else. This has gone on so long you would've thought I'd get used to it, but you know, I can take everything else, just not this. A little respect would've been appreciated, thank you, but I didn't do what I felt like doing because at the very end of the day you're still my friend. Still someone I love dearly.
It's probably not you I'm talking about. Possibly the last person who'd realise it was her.
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| 160 without a sound |
[27 Apr 2006|05:52pm] |
After NAPFA the bestie and I went down to Serene Centre for lunch (where we met Adele & Sarah!), then she bought some flowers and we both got books from the funky little bookstore in the corner on the first floor.
Yesterday Rhea & I stayed back to finish homework and to help the teachers move tables/albums/little things like that for the UK Trip parents' briefing, and The Quote Of The Day was:
Rhea: *fiddling with staffroom phone which, uh, people use on a daily basis* How does this work?
while all of us stare in disbelief.
Oh, another one which occured in the canteen while we were all doing Math homework:
Melissa: I've been stuck on this problem forever. Rhea, could you take one moment to figure it out?
*laughter from all around the table*
Later,
Rhea: (thinking hard about 7 mark question no one has arrived at yet) I give up. I'll just bring this home to do.
Camilla: Yes, and take two moments with it yeah?
Rhea: No?! I'll take much longer than that!
- After 30 seconds -
Rhea: Oh! I know where I went wrong!
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| 159 MENTORSHIP :) |
[25 Apr 2006|08:32pm] |
Have just spent the past two hours slogging away at stuff for the UK Trip Dale Fort presentation (if you're in Burns, please go check your email inbox before Saturday's meeting, but you should really know this already because I sent out a relay message earlier, unless you didn't receive it, *growl*), as well as finishing up April's Mentorship Progress Report.
I am sad Mentorship is quickly drawing to a close, but at the same time I am happy that it happened - I remember being wide-eyed at the thought of actually being in Mentorship during the CAP Seminar last year, I remember hearing Lynnette relate her own Mentorship experiences to me and telling me how I should really try out for it, I remember rushing out my portfolio and thinking I was never going to get it, not when there were all these other awesome talented young writers trying out as well, and then I remember the night the email came into my inbox, the one from Ms Joyce Soh telling me I'd gotten into Mentorship along with the 24 (?) other people, I remember the exhiliration I'd felt then, the disbelief and the gradual realisation that, wow, I was going to be in this for nine whole months, writing under an experienced poet, learning and growing as a writer myself.
As this ends, I am proud and pleased to say that I think I really have improved in my writing, I have learnt that there is so much more to writing a good poem than I would ever have imagined, I have learnt that I am not alone in my craft, and now, looking at the works I have churned out in the past few months under the mentor, I realise I am truly thankful for this opportunity because I know I would never have gotten anywhere near where I am now if I'd been on my own.
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| 158 you |
[24 Apr 2006|07:48pm] |
Thank you Bert, Xinyan, Joella, Esther, Amanda (Lee), Yirui, for the concern in class just now,
Thank you Bong, Mar and Sheryl for letting me whine before band pract,
Thank you Bert for the sweet message,
Thank you Rine for the previous comment,
Thank you Adele and Lynette for the laughs in class,
Thank you emails that keep me going.
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| 157 how peculiar! |
[23 Apr 2006|12:16pm] |
I suspect I am down with a flu or something similar, I can feel a fever on its way. If I am right I hope Mister Fever holds out till some time more appropriate, or forgives me and fades away.
Last night I ate the most fantastic apple, scrumdeliumptious if I may say so, it wasn't just an apple, it was the apple (to be said with style and spunk because that's how the apple would speak if it could), the-apple-that-made-me-happy. Thank you Apple, because you brought me significant joy, even if not for very long. Last night I also worked on my new project, it is progressing splendidly! I am very honoured to be the engineer of such a project indeed. And I am pleased at my perseverance and that I am actually carrying it out consistently.
This morning I woke up to spectacularly grey skies, to see grey skies first thing after sleep always makes me feel all warm and snug as a bug-in-a-rug under the covers.
Right now I feel like pulling on white gloves, finger by finger, and wearing a black top hat, then disappear into a taxi perhaps, feet last. Except the taxis here aren't very easy on the eyes, they're blue or mint green or beige or white, I think I would like to disappear into a London cab, but that's a tad out of context, don't you think? Also I would need to find the perfect shoes to make this image work, and right now I don't think anything would fit just right.
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| 156 monotony |
[22 Apr 2006|03:10pm] |
This morning I crawled out of bed early to the discovery that Mom was going to give me a lift to school, so after breakfast and getting changed I flopped right back into bed and actually had a dream. Went to school for the UK trip session, my group of ten consisted of four today, because the choir girls were at practice and Emily & Tsaohui couldn't make it for various reasons. We were initially supposed to get our namesake (Robert Burns) presentation done today but Rhea discovered she'd forgotten to save it into the thumbdrive (it's okay Rhea!) so we're doing it next week, instead. Along with our Dale Fort presentation, for which not much work is required. I just need to get some relay messages sent out, etc.
Lit test on Monday, I don't like text-based tests because I don't believe Lit is something people should be stressing over, but hey, personal opinion. On Wednesday there'll be a UK trip parents' briefing, Thursday NAPFA five stations and on Friday I'll be off to the choir concert with Yunhui after band pract! What a busy week. I know the week after won't be any better, currently I am not looking forward to May because there've already been so many tests (plus that one big exam I don't see myself starting to study for anytime soon) scheduled. But May also means the lovely Labour Day outing with the bestie, sushi and cookies are an attractive match, don't you think?
I am embarking on a new project! Pretty cool beans if I may say so myself, sadly though I admit I haven't usually the stamina to keep these projects up. But this one will be different!
Pretty pooped so I think I'll crash in just a bit, thanking heavens for the refuelling I get to do on weekends!
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| 155 no matter what |
[20 Apr 2006|07:32pm] |
I initially had a huge chunk of ambiguous confession here, but decided to take it away because today I am happy!
Homework is non-existent, the big test of the week (thank goodness there was only one this week, major love to the Physics people) is over - Chinese, killer, but hey, what's new? - I have chocolate, we got Bio papers returned today and I! didn't! fail!, there are people who care for me, I get the most decent advice from people who matter (these few weeks I have heard so many things that made/make a whole lot of sense to me), and golly gosh, so many more reasons I can't count them off my fingers!
There are also the little raincloud issues that hover over me, things I'm unsure about, relationships I currently doubt are strong enough to withstand all the world can throw (which is a lot, I discover, though not for the first time), but I believe I will deal, with good faith and the belief that all good things come with the bad, that there is an equal balance and I must learn to juggle things. Still, easier said than done, but I am learning.
You say sleep, and I say,
Yeah yeah yeah.
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| 154 where no one thinks to look |
[18 Apr 2006|06:32pm] |
I guess you could say I've discovered a lot these few days.
I'm not answering any questions.
The only high point of today was getting my A for 2.4. I would've preferred running on an empty track (three other classes, overpopulation!) and I think I could've done better but I'm still thanking the heavens for the A I didn't think I'd get halfway through the run. So, five stations on the 27th! Smack me if you please but I want my 30 points!
The rest of my day consisted of bad news.
Aaand, that's about it.
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| 153 isn't it ironic |
[16 Apr 2006|04:39pm] |
Some sort of distance, perhaps. Or what you said. Just a feeling. But something concrete nevertheless.
I remember never believing it was possible to lose yourself. Funny how there seems no better way to describe things right now.
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| 152 guns n' roses |
[15 Apr 2006|07:37pm] |
I have a crystal pendant. It is thin and about the length of my thumbnail, it hangs from a thin silver chain. One of my dearest friends gave it to me some time ago and today I wore it for the entire day, it kept me company. For an object so small and seemingly fragile, it brings me quite a fair bit of strength. I think it is an apt enough symbol for this friendship. None of you can understand this completely but now that I think about it it makes a whole lot of sense. It saddens me that I may someday lose it, but I am also heartened to know that I have something like it, small and not glistening too much, but very precious.
This morning was spent at Rhea's, makeshift grounds for Lit Trip preparation this week because it's Blackout Saturday in school today. In the afternoon Carine & I went to see Tristan + Isolde and - what can I say? - Not my kind of film. I don't like battle sequences (never have and probably never will), I didn't like what Hollywood did to this classic, and I agree with Fo - onscreen chemistry between the two leads was non-existent. Such a major let-down.
Not feeling quite so spectacular right now so please pardon the monotony. Sorting some things out in my head.
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